09 8 / 2011

First and foremost I would like to apologize to my fans for not updating this earlier. I’ve been very busy with moving and ending my job and going to visit my family, and this blogged just slipped away from me. It is no excuse though and I aspire to never let it happen again… I sincerely hope you can forgive me.

I do have some interesting life updates to inform you all of though. Since going home (home as in back to the place where I grew up) I have had a revelation on what I want to be when I grow up. I know, I probably say this every other week, but I think this one really has merit.

I want to be Regis Philbin. Yep, that’s right I want to be the precocious old man who graces the morning TV waves 4 days and week (he takes Mondays off now) and is set to retire after like 80 years in the fall. To clarify, I want to be the younger, more attractive, female version of him. I probably didn’t come to this realization sooner because I a) work in the mornings usually, so would have never turned on his show and b) currently don’t have a TV. But last week when I was at home laying on the couch, groggy eyed and feeling useless, I heard him tell a story about him at the gym. This story sounded almost exactly like stories I tell—usually self-deprecating and embarrassingly immodest. That’s when I realized, I not only would be great at that job, but I would love doing it. Heck, I tell stories like that all the time now for a smaller audience (mainly my dog), so why not get paid to do it?

I did a little recon work on Regis and I found out that we are actually pretty similar—despite our anatomical differences. Turns out, we share a middle name (he has two, almost as weird as having two first names), Francis—well mine is the female version but then again so are my parts. Regis has one brother who is younger than him who never wanted Regis to mention him in the media—I have one younger brother who I would purposefully never mention to the media for fear that everyone would like him more. Regis is Irish—I pretend to be Irish every 17th of March. Regis has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame—I aspire to have a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. I mean really, the similarities are uncanny minus the obvious difference (age, gender, and wrinkles—in case you had any questions).

This career seems completely and utterly doable for me. I mean, The Oprah Show in origin was a morning talk show that had essentially no audience and its not like I’m asking to BE Oprah or have her fame, status, power, or money, I just want to be Regis. Maybe host a game show or two at some point. So I’m going to need all of your support, and it probably wouldn’t hurt if you could become famous so I can interview you and post it on youtube…. everyone’s got to start somewhere, right? 

Some things just get better with age...   

Some things just get better with age…